So, I just finally got the chance to read Tales from the Past part 2. I made this account because there is no other way to communicate, I found some minor grammatical errors and things that appear Typos, I did found more in the main game and part 1, but at that time I didn't screenshots, if I read it again in the future I will try to do it.
I just hope I don't sound too annoying.
1st screenshot: *He gestured to the window. *there is too much of it.
2nd screenshot: *He thought it might [...] ...Close. (2 typos)
3rd screenshot: *Maybe it was just his mother. (2 typos)
4th screenshot: *but his mother and the tailor (I can imagine you first wrote the tailor and his mother and then changed it, but forgot the first "the")
5th screenshot: *and no new ones with the requiered modification were available ind Dahim or the closest Villages. ("with the requiered modifications" should not be in the end of the sentence).
6th screenshot: *His mother and father *Of (this is a thing I saw many times, simple if you remember "after dots always capital letter" except for colons and semi-colons). *Yes...? (even if he doesn't end the question).
7th screenshot: *came into his view. (Which you later use too, under my understanding giving into someones (well, Dahim is not someone, but you know) view means something else). *They were far above the trees already.
8th screenshot: *what bare skin she had, and (you only talk about Mara being touched by snow, I am not sure if you are or I am wrong, because I understand that you make us understand that both show a bit of skin, but then again, you were writing about her).
9th screenshot: *Hovered *(One dot too much) When *Not really sure how to correct that one.
10th screenshot: *Baths
11th screenshot: *Are you...? *I want you to think about what you (do) actually want instead (the "do" after you is not necessary, but could be useful to put emphasis, making the question sound stronger). *... Well *... And
12th screenshot: *... Pointy *To see how she would react if he touched. (Or at least I thought you meant Havard touching Mara, not Mara touching herself).
13th screenshot: *... And (two times) *... Certain
14th screenshot: *... Will *He heard faint footsteps *was well, when (I think it at least sounds better with a comma).
15th screenshots: *... They
16th screenshot: *The way his father said it made it sound simple (or many other variants, you could even: "It all sounded simple, the way his father said it" or the same but changing order "the way his father said it, It all sounded simple". Whatever you prefer here).
I made a visit to the tumblr, I saw you wrote very interesting things there, saidly I don't have account there, and not sure about making one.
Thank you for taking the time to do this :D Feedback is always welcome!
Firstly, people just scrolling by: Do not click "View rest" on the above post unless you want a lot of screenshots of text from a bonus story :D
Secondly, I have fixed most of these, though I have not updated the demo. The pdf version of the story in kofi still has all the typos, I might fix that later.
Though I have to say, the "..." thing is probably in there a thousand+ times, so I am not fixing all of that right now for part 1 and the main demo :D And I can see part 2 still has lots of those too.
The "...", I try to use it to mark hesitation/thinking but I think I do it too much. It's really a problem, I do it in my emails irl now too.
Thirdly, there is an email in the game description that you can use for things like this, if that is preferable.
Fourthly, the blog does contain a lot of snippets etc. based on asks. Other stuff too, but those tend to dominate. There is also just one big file where I dump the asks and the snippets (all of them), available through kofi for supporters. Though, I have to say that it is a nightmare of chaos, typos and grammar. I might sometimes fix minor things in the blog, but I usually just leave whatever the "first draft" was in the pdf file.
Indeed, I should have warned about the many screenshots.
The "..." weren't too much for me, I understand what you mean, but as long as you limit it to thoughts and dialogs, it is fine.
And yeah, I did read some of the asks, some even were questions I had too, sometimes the answer itself made me think new questions. For example (do not read if you care for possible spoiler): the one where you answer if the hands will be completely cured, this one made me theorize that if the mc has a heritage with long lived species, like dragons or elves, that they could probably life longer too, then after some centuries, like 300 years (maybe even less than a century if they treat their hands daily? Which would not be in the IF) that the hands could be fully healed. But that are just theories I like to think about. I tend to be very passionate with things I like, thinking many possible theories.
I had more, maybe if I make an account for tumblr one day, I will send some asks.
thank you! I don't currently have time to look into this, but I will when I have the time.
Sorry about the inconvenience.
Update: Should be fixed now! At least on my own phone,. I can now exit the menu... even if the clear saves button seems to now overlap with something. Though this seems to depend on which way you hold your phone.
I stopped reading after the Prologue, because this story is rife with rookie mistakes (which is completely normal btw, I presume this is one of your first works)
First of all, it desperately needs to be edited. Half of the text could be crossed out, no problem. It's extremely verbose, reminding me of an apple tree that's never been pruned in its life.
Watch out for the repetition of words: in the first few paragraphs, the word 'flesh' is being used about 5 times, and more later on. Moving on to the second page, same issues on a smaller scale: plead, pleas. "As usual, no one answers" would suffice. 'Pain' and 'void' also repeat a billion times, and not in an artistic way. Max 2 short pages accentuating the cycle of pain and nothingness would be more than enough. Nobody wants to read the same thing over 10 pages, at least I'm sure I don't. :v
There are other, small things: I can't remember verbatim, but there was a sentence like "He did so and so to soften the edge of the gentle rebuke". If the rebuke was gentle, there would be no edge to it to begin with, right? :D
Don't take this the wrong way, your ideas are good, keep going! But I'd recommend reading one or two textbooks about writing to drill the basics into your head, such as Writing Fiction - the practical guide from New York's... or Ben Bova : The craft of writing Sci-fi (I can email you the latter)
thank you for the feedback! You are correct, it is basically my first work so rookie :D I do agree the text needs editing, but self editing is a really hard thing as a beginner doing this for fun.
Thank you for the recommendations, and if you would like to send the book, please find the email above in the game description.
Otherwise you're on the right track. I mean, hey, you already started putting your work out there, most people would never! Just read, write and revise until you get a nosebleed as much as you can, and best of luck! ;x
The writing is pretty good as for the content of what you're trying to portray. I did enjoy it. There are several spelling errors I noticed along the way though. Mostly minor stuff like a "wiht" instead of "with". A more specific thing I will point out since you said English isn't your first language though. At one point you were writing about a writing instrument which Harvard was using. The word you're looking for there is "pen". A pen is a writing instrument, a pin is something different depending on context. I know words that are pronounced the same, but spelled differently make English confusing.
Typos happen a lot. Where did you see this error with the writing instrument? Since Havard could have been writing with a pen, or talking into his "communicator pin" i.e. it could have been on purpose or at the very least, I would have hard time finding it by just searching for the word.
Looking back at it you probably did mean the pin you had written about earlier, but because it came right after talking about writing my brain tried to correct it to pen.
This does seem like he is using the communicator pin :D Understandable connection right after he was writing. Still thank you, I fixed one "wiht" so far, just putting it in the word search.
I've commented here before, but I wanna point out that I not only love how the trauma is portrayed, but I *love* the fact that you don't have to talk in this IF, and if I remember correctly, there's apparently a device they can get in the magical setting to help with communication!!! As someone who struggles to speak sometimes and has an iPad and AAC app to help me talk, I *really* love this aspect of the story!! Just everything about this IF is so good!
It would be cool if the mc can just cry as a response. Or use humor maybe once they get more comfortable. Oh and as they get older having the choice to swear or not swear as well would be cool too, but wow.
So far I love the story and I was kind of scared of the characters at first. They seem good? I just don't fully trust anyone though, but I trust them enough.
I like the many options in the game as well. It feels like I'm not just reading but also interacting which is fun. The customization for the MC's features is nice too I like the variety.
I don't understand the bar stuff though? Like with the % . Maybe I missed some explanation though. Anyways I hope for more updates It was a fun demo.
Thank you for the feedback! I will add some it to my notes ;D
Not that I have been paying much attention to the stats, but what specifically was confusing about the bars? The ones that start at zero and increase in %?
Oh no, The ones that are like at 50-50% % or something? Or maybe I'm looking at it wrong? Percentages personally confuse me in general so maybe it's just a me thing.
Ah, those :D It is not like the percentages themselves matter, the signs could probably be removed (I don't remember if they are automatic in the template or not).
Those bars are just meant to be a measure between two opposing personality traits. Like, innocent vs. jaded or shy vs. bold, or careful vs. reckless. It is quite common to have this type of system in IF, at least in Choice of Games style IF. Usually the personality will change some flavor text in these types of games, or may even tie into some key choices that will not succeed if you go against your established personality.
Of course, here they are just bars that roughly tell you the types of choices you have taken. They currently have no other purpose than just being there. The traits listed in then are also never perfect so I personally find it best to not pay too much attention to them.
I can explain how much I love these games! Yeah It's dark, but what are you expecting? the MC had suffered a LOT! soooo yeah, I love it so much! I am so excited to read more and see how it goes! Amazing! Show-stopping!
Hi, first off, thank you for this bleak bundle of fun. Unfortunately, I found some typos in the prologue:
"You do not feel your knees bleeding from your trashing against the hard ground nor the countless cuts, tears, and bruises marring your body and have barely started healing." Thrashing instead of trashing?
"The void quals and shakes at the sound, trying to drown out the sound but fails." maybe squalls?
"You flinch closing your eyes from the sudden intrusion of light to your world of darkness." needs a comma -> flinch, closing
I also saw at the end that you're looking for new words for magic? Have you tried going through a dictionary for dead languages? An example could be "Aeling" which is Anglo-Saxon and translates loosely to: burning of the mind, ardour.
You can find a lot of fun, specific words that could fit your needs!
Thank you again for releasing the game! I'm greatly looking forward to reading the rest of your story!
Ahah, I'm glad it was useful! I usually skim read IFs but this was very good and just grabbed my attention. Hopefully I won't find any typos when I start chapter 1, but I'll be sure to report them if so.
Out of curiosity, do you have a language in mind yet if you do choose to follow up on that idea, or are you still considering what would fit in best? No worries if you aren't sure or decided not to do it! I'm just being nosey at this point lol
Hi, thank you again. There are probably plenty of typos, even after fixing quite a lot of them :D
I don't have a language in mind, though I do like the sentence you used, "burning of the mind". I tried a bit of googling to find if any language (first dead language, then just any language) has one word for that sentence and tried another few sentences. The results were not perfect but it is a work in progress.
Best of luck with using that phrase as I think it would be unlikely to yield useful results, although you could prove me wrong! Almost all dead language resources I know (which, granted, isn't a lot) use as direct a translation as possible and skip out the nuance of the original word. The example I gave does better translates into "burning of the mind" but its more literal and direct translation is ardour and is what will be used most frequently, hence why I used that example since you'd mentioned that word previously for magic. Considering this, maybe it would be easier to find a single word and try and expand from there? Regardless, I wish you all the best with your search and a satisfactory resolution to it!
There is a reason most Interactive Fiction here on itch contain a lot of dealing with trauma and characters reacting to it; my personal guess is that it's how we work through the memories of our own "misadventures" of life.
And you get it. You do not shy from the topic, there is no avoidance in face of terror. You do not glorify it, and yet it has sufficient impact.
And it is such a refreshing feeling. Most IF authors either do not approach such themes, or when encountered it has no impact on the story. By reading your work I noticed none of that. The story feels complete at every step, the word-weave satisfies the longing.
We take notice and appreciate. May your creation know no bounds.
Thank you for the request. You can already input your own eye color, and therefore already have heterochromia. You can see examples of this in this blog post.
This story has really struck a chord with me ever since it came out. I just keep coming back to read through it again and again, it gives me some much needed hope for dealing with my own trauma (nothing so grievous as what the MC goes through but trauma nonetheless) the path of healing the MC is being set on is just so very inspiring to me, a reminder that no matter how broken you are that there is always a chance to heal and move on to something better in your life.
Daaaaaaark. Love it though. Much respect for not shying away from some very atrocious/hard themes; humanity comes in all flavors.
I Love my MC, I love that they're broken and not just magically - - fixed, despite being rescued. There's such, such Trauma there - and that mind may never be 'un-broken'. Not to mention the arms. I think that's what interests me most: Seeing how this very clearly broken child will grow up; what they will become. (You explained the 'Pain' and 'Void' cycle and its Repetition incredibly well, btw) Havard and Lexi and Ethel (I think my MC will like her most) all seem like genuinely good souls. They'll have their work cut out for them -- and it's nice seeing the frustration in wanting to help, but being unable to in their POVs; but time and them proving their words will do wonders. Very interested to see how twins interaction will go. (And if there will be romance? Because - OOF. Just: OOF.) That 'red and white stuff' highly concerned me; but I also love broken babes finding empathy in one another.
That last interlude... Of course, the 'bad people' couldn't be totally gone. Looks like there's definitely going to be -- 'something' fighting to do more Terrible things to my baby. Keeping an eye on this one~
That's really interesting, I'm so exited to see how it will develop, the growing of the kids and everything else. True masterpiece being made here❤️ can't wait for the next update
this is hands down my favorite twine game i've played so far. everything is so well thought out and the choices you make actually get brought up later and it feels much more like you're your own person and not just a customizable character with a preset personality. that, and as someone with childhood trauma this feels surprisingly healing. big thank you so far and please update i will love you forever fr
Time to share my opinion to the wonder internet :D Honestly, I LOVE the story so far, at first I kinda thought the prologue and interludes went on a bit too long since you don't get to do anything in them, but looking back on it I definitely see how it's needed for exposition haha, anytime it's brought up it hits MUCH harder than it would have if it hadn't gone into detail.
And chapter two made UP for it, the customization is probably one of the best I've seen in ANY cyoa game ever and I LOVE how it keeps getting brought up. I absolutely HATE how in most games you get to create a whole character and then proceed to only hear it brought up in a summery of your characters right after you create your character, it's AWFUL ;-; and this one doesn't do that, so thank you :D
But yeah, can't wait to meet the twins, I actually love their personalities lol, sorry for the rant, 10/10, will play when chapter 3 comes out :]
I had my character not remember his name and then question why having name was important, but then allow Havard to name them. When Havard is talking to Lexia in her interlude, he says that my character has no name, but then starts using the chosen name as well as Lexia, even though they've already talked about having no name to refer to him as.
Also in that same interaction, just after that point, there was some mix-up with the pronouns I think? Havard and Lexia were using 'they/them' for a few lines in reference to my character rather than 'he/him'. A better screenshot of that will be in reply to this comment.
there's a gramatical error on turn 84. it says "Of course, Azha would have be the one to do the asking, but she liked to include him." and is missing a "to" between have and be.
Hey, wanted to say I absolutely adore this story ❤️ it's.. honestly kind of healing, having experienced childhood trauma, to have a setting that's surprisingly real but still makes me feel like actually cared for?? You're doing an AMAZING job with this and I'm excited to see where it goes & support it along the way.
One small thing - I went back to go do the heritage trait scenes again, and came across an error, though I'm not sure what the cause is; the best I can guess is it might be something to do with my saves, since I was running the story as a download? I tried plugging the save into the proper browser run form and it has the same error though.
It happens with most of the beastkin heritage trait selections, including the animal horns sub-selections, animal ears, and the fluffy tails sub-selections.
I cannot seem to replicate this. However, if I understand correctly, you were using an old save?
If that is indeed the case, I would say that is the reason. You see, in the old system the variables could only have one value i.e.
variable = "fox" which mean the preallocation would have been done as variable = "" vs. now it can have multiple values
variable = ["fox", "wolf"] and preallocation is done as variable = [].
I think this is the cause of the error. It should work fine with a new save, in an old save there is a disconnect between the preallocations of the variable.
Sorry for the inconvenience! Updates tend to break old saves (assuming you were indeed using an old save).
The elf ears count as two heritage traits, I believe that may be a bug in the programming? I chose fluffy tail, then fluffy ears, then the dragon eyes, then went to look at the pointed elf ears and it gave me this when I chose them.
This is another screenshot that shows exactly that it's the elf ears that counts as two, since it's listed twice. And I only clicked on them the one time.
Just curious, will my MC be able to romance one of the twins or is this story more plot focused. Btw I haven't checked out the new heritage features but I have played this once before and I really love your writing! Just wanted to let you know how appreciated this story is! <3
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Very good IF, definitely one of my favorites.
So, I just finally got the chance to read Tales from the Past part 2.
I made this account because there is no other way to communicate,
I found some minor grammatical errors and things that appear Typos, I did found more in the main game and part 1, but at that time I didn't screenshots, if I read it again in the future I will try to do it.
I just hope I don't sound too annoying.
1st screenshot:
*He gestured to the window.
*there is too much of it.
2nd screenshot:
*He thought it might [...] ...Close. (2 typos)
3rd screenshot:
*Maybe it was just his mother. (2 typos)
4th screenshot:
*but his mother and the tailor (I can imagine you first wrote the tailor and his mother and then changed it, but forgot the first "the")
5th screenshot:
*and no new ones with the requiered modification were available ind Dahim or the closest Villages. ("with the requiered modifications" should not be in the end of the sentence).
6th screenshot:
*His mother and father
*Of (this is a thing I saw many times, simple if you remember "after dots always capital letter" except for colons and semi-colons).
*Yes...? (even if he doesn't end the question).
7th screenshot:
*came into his view. (Which you later use too, under my understanding giving into someones (well, Dahim is not someone, but you know) view means something else).
*They were far above the trees already.
8th screenshot:
*what bare skin she had, and (you only talk about Mara being touched by snow, I am not sure if you are or I am wrong, because I understand that you make us understand that both show a bit of skin, but then again, you were writing about her).
9th screenshot:
*Hovered
*(One dot too much) When
*Not really sure how to correct that one.
10th screenshot:
*Baths
11th screenshot:
*Are you...?
*I want you to think about what you (do) actually want instead (the "do" after you is not necessary, but could be useful to put emphasis, making the question sound stronger).
*... Well
*... And
12th screenshot:
*... Pointy
*To see how she would react if he touched. (Or at least I thought you meant Havard touching Mara, not Mara touching herself).
13th screenshot:
*... And (two times)
*... Certain
14th screenshot:
*... Will
*He heard faint footsteps
*was well, when (I think it at least sounds better with a comma).
15th screenshots:
*... They
16th screenshot:
*The way his father said it made it sound simple (or many other variants, you could even: "It all sounded simple, the way his father said it" or the same but changing order "the way his father said it, It all sounded simple". Whatever you prefer here).
I made a visit to the tumblr, I saw you wrote very interesting things there, saidly I don't have account there, and not sure about making one.
Now, have a nice day.
Thank you for taking the time to do this :D Feedback is always welcome!
Firstly, people just scrolling by: Do not click "View rest" on the above post unless you want a lot of screenshots of text from a bonus story :D
Secondly, I have fixed most of these, though I have not updated the demo. The pdf version of the story in kofi still has all the typos, I might fix that later.
Though I have to say, the "..." thing is probably in there a thousand+ times, so I am not fixing all of that right now for part 1 and the main demo :D And I can see part 2 still has lots of those too.
The "...", I try to use it to mark hesitation/thinking but I think I do it too much. It's really a problem, I do it in my emails irl now too.
Thirdly, there is an email in the game description that you can use for things like this, if that is preferable.
Fourthly, the blog does contain a lot of snippets etc. based on asks. Other stuff too, but those tend to dominate. There is also just one big file where I dump the asks and the snippets (all of them), available through kofi for supporters. Though, I have to say that it is a nightmare of chaos, typos and grammar. I might sometimes fix minor things in the blog, but I usually just leave whatever the "first draft" was in the pdf file.
Thanks again, and have a good day!
Indeed, I should have warned about the many screenshots.
The "..." weren't too much for me, I understand what you mean, but as long as you limit it to thoughts and dialogs, it is fine.
And yeah, I did read some of the asks, some even were questions I had too, sometimes the answer itself made me think new questions. For example (do not read if you care for possible spoiler): the one where you answer if the hands will be completely cured, this one made me theorize that if the mc has a heritage with long lived species, like dragons or elves, that they could probably life longer too, then after some centuries, like 300 years (maybe even less than a century if they treat their hands daily? Which would not be in the IF) that the hands could be fully healed. But that are just theories I like to think about. I tend to be very passionate with things I like, thinking many possible theories.
I had more, maybe if I make an account for tumblr one day, I will send some asks.
I loved this game storyline
I discovered this game a few days ago and just wanted to say that i absolutely adore it and am excited for more!
Great work this story is awesome so far :)
I'm on mobile but when I save I cant seem to exit off the menu after saving.
Hi,
thank you! I don't currently have time to look into this, but I will when I have the time.
Sorry about the inconvenience.
Update: Should be fixed now! At least on my own phone,. I can now exit the menu... even if the clear saves button seems to now overlap with something. Though this seems to depend on which way you hold your phone.
so good, I'm absolutely hooked on this
Heya!
I like the idea, but!
I stopped reading after the Prologue, because this story is rife with rookie mistakes (which is completely normal btw, I presume this is one of your first works)
First of all, it desperately needs to be edited. Half of the text could be crossed out, no problem. It's extremely verbose, reminding me of an apple tree that's never been pruned in its life.
Watch out for the repetition of words: in the first few paragraphs, the word 'flesh' is being used about 5 times, and more later on. Moving on to the second page, same issues on a smaller scale: plead, pleas. "As usual, no one answers" would suffice. 'Pain' and 'void' also repeat a billion times, and not in an artistic way. Max 2 short pages accentuating the cycle of pain and nothingness would be more than enough. Nobody wants to read the same thing over 10 pages, at least I'm sure I don't. :v
There are other, small things: I can't remember verbatim, but there was a sentence like "He did so and so to soften the edge of the gentle rebuke". If the rebuke was gentle, there would be no edge to it to begin with, right? :D
Don't take this the wrong way, your ideas are good, keep going! But I'd recommend reading one or two textbooks about writing to drill the basics into your head, such as Writing Fiction - the practical guide from New York's... or Ben Bova : The craft of writing Sci-fi (I can email you the latter)
:x
Hi,
thank you for the feedback! You are correct, it is basically my first work so rookie :D I do agree the text needs editing, but self editing is a really hard thing as a beginner doing this for fun.
Thank you for the recommendations, and if you would like to send the book, please find the email above in the game description.
Hey again,
I sent you both, I hope you'll find them helpful!
Otherwise you're on the right track. I mean, hey, you already started putting your work out there, most people would never! Just read, write and revise
until you get a nosebleedas much as you can, and best of luck! ;xThanks! I saw the email, and will take a look when I have some time.
Thank you for the encouragement as well. I do believe there is a famous quote of "the first draft just has to exist" or something like that.
I would consider all of this, even available to the public, a first draft :D
The writing is pretty good as for the content of what you're trying to portray. I did enjoy it. There are several spelling errors I noticed along the way though. Mostly minor stuff like a "wiht" instead of "with". A more specific thing I will point out since you said English isn't your first language though. At one point you were writing about a writing instrument which Harvard was using. The word you're looking for there is "pen". A pen is a writing instrument, a pin is something different depending on context. I know words that are pronounced the same, but spelled differently make English confusing.
Thank you for the feedback!
Typos happen a lot. Where did you see this error with the writing instrument? Since Havard could have been writing with a pen, or talking into his "communicator pin" i.e. it could have been on purpose or at the very least, I would have hard time finding it by just searching for the word.
Looking back at it you probably did mean the pin you had written about earlier, but because it came right after talking about writing my brain tried to correct it to pen.
This does seem like he is using the communicator pin :D Understandable connection right after he was writing. Still thank you, I fixed one "wiht" so far, just putting it in the word search.
Hey just so you know at this point the highlighted text repeats itself, otherwise I highly enjoyed the game thus far!!
Thank you! I think I found the correct spot :D
I've commented here before, but I wanna point out that I not only love how the trauma is portrayed, but I *love* the fact that you don't have to talk in this IF, and if I remember correctly, there's apparently a device they can get in the magical setting to help with communication!!! As someone who struggles to speak sometimes and has an iPad and AAC app to help me talk, I *really* love this aspect of the story!! Just everything about this IF is so good!
Thank you for the praise!! And yes, though the communication device is still WIP, it will make an entrance at some point.
It would be cool if the mc can just cry as a response. Or use humor maybe once they get more comfortable. Oh and as they get older having the choice to swear or not swear as well would be cool too, but wow.
So far I love the story and I was kind of scared of the characters at first. They seem good? I just don't fully trust anyone though, but I trust them enough.
I like the many options in the game as well. It feels like I'm not just reading but also interacting which is fun. The customization for the MC's features is nice too I like the variety.
I don't understand the bar stuff though? Like with the % . Maybe I missed some explanation though. Anyways I hope for more updates It was a fun demo.
Thank you for the feedback! I will add some it to my notes ;D
Not that I have been paying much attention to the stats, but what specifically was confusing about the bars? The ones that start at zero and increase in %?
Oh no, The ones that are like at 50-50% % or something? Or maybe I'm looking at it wrong? Percentages personally confuse me in general so maybe it's just a me thing.
Ah, those :D It is not like the percentages themselves matter, the signs could probably be removed (I don't remember if they are automatic in the template or not).
Those bars are just meant to be a measure between two opposing personality traits. Like, innocent vs. jaded or shy vs. bold, or careful vs. reckless. It is quite common to have this type of system in IF, at least in Choice of Games style IF. Usually the personality will change some flavor text in these types of games, or may even tie into some key choices that will not succeed if you go against your established personality.
Of course, here they are just bars that roughly tell you the types of choices you have taken. They currently have no other purpose than just being there. The traits listed in then are also never perfect so I personally find it best to not pay too much attention to them.
Any chance the player character gets glasses?
I will admit, I have not considered it. Do people want glasses?
It is not the first question that came to mind in a mediaval(ish) fantasy world to me :D
I may or may not have something of an obsession with playing characters with vision problems, but i don't know if anyone else would want it
man, i really love constantly bashing my head against the wall
I love love love this IF! It's so well written, and portrays trauma well. I can't wait for more!
(sorry for my bad english, I only speak portuguese :P)
THIS GAME IS PERFECT, I CRIED SO MUCH! i can't explain the felling this game gave me, I wanna forget just to play again.
I am dying of anxiety to play more, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA its so so SO good :D
I can explain how much I love these games!
Yeah It's dark, but what are you expecting? the MC had suffered a LOT! soooo yeah, I love it so much! I am so excited to read more and see how it goes!
Amazing! Show-stopping!
!MINOR SPOILER AHEAD!
Istg I hope Mara is fine... the way Havard acts if you have strong demon blood is hella sus...
!SPOILER END!
Your spoiler tag isnt working!
You can't do a proper spoiler block on Itch so that's the closest I can get.
EDIT: Moved it down a couple lines so now it's hidden behind "View rest".
noted! I'll keep this is mind for my future comments 😭
I think a word is missing here.
Save: https://gofile.io/d/R5OLtK
Bit of a story inconsistency
MC bashed their hand after waking up first time, was taken to healing bath, should be aware of baths.
Save:https://gofile.io/d/JXNgJX
Hi,
thank you! I will fix those.
Hi, first off, thank you for this bleak bundle of fun. Unfortunately, I found some typos in the prologue:
"You do not feel your knees bleeding from your trashing against the hard ground nor the countless cuts, tears, and bruises marring your body and have barely started healing." Thrashing instead of trashing?
"The void quals and shakes at the sound, trying to drown out the sound but fails." maybe squalls?
"You flinch closing your eyes from the sudden intrusion of light to your world of darkness." needs a comma -> flinch, closing
I also saw at the end that you're looking for new words for magic? Have you tried going through a dictionary for dead languages? An example could be "Aeling" which is Anglo-Saxon and translates loosely to: burning of the mind, ardour.
You can find a lot of fun, specific words that could fit your needs!
Thank you again for releasing the game! I'm greatly looking forward to reading the rest of your story!
Thank you! I will fix those for the next update :D And think about the magic, the dead languages is a brilliant idea!
Ahah, I'm glad it was useful! I usually skim read IFs but this was very good and just grabbed my attention. Hopefully I won't find any typos when I start chapter 1, but I'll be sure to report them if so.
Out of curiosity, do you have a language in mind yet if you do choose to follow up on that idea, or are you still considering what would fit in best? No worries if you aren't sure or decided not to do it! I'm just being nosey at this point lol
Hi, thank you again. There are probably plenty of typos, even after fixing quite a lot of them :D
I don't have a language in mind, though I do like the sentence you used, "burning of the mind". I tried a bit of googling to find if any language (first dead language, then just any language) has one word for that sentence and tried another few sentences. The results were not perfect but it is a work in progress.
Hi again, and a happy new year to you!
Best of luck with using that phrase as I think it would be unlikely to yield useful results, although you could prove me wrong! Almost all dead language resources I know (which, granted, isn't a lot) use as direct a translation as possible and skip out the nuance of the original word. The example I gave does better translates into "burning of the mind" but its more literal and direct translation is ardour and is what will be used most frequently, hence why I used that example since you'd mentioned that word previously for magic. Considering this, maybe it would be easier to find a single word and try and expand from there? Regardless, I wish you all the best with your search and a satisfactory resolution to it!
You get it, you understand us.
There is a reason most Interactive Fiction here on itch contain a lot of dealing with trauma and characters reacting to it; my personal guess is that it's how we work through the memories of our own "misadventures" of life.
And you get it. You do not shy from the topic, there is no avoidance in face of terror. You do not glorify it, and yet it has sufficient impact.
And it is such a refreshing feeling. Most IF authors either do not approach such themes, or when encountered it has no impact on the story. By reading your work I noticed none of that. The story feels complete at every step, the word-weave satisfies the longing.
We take notice and appreciate. May your creation know no bounds.
I, personally, would like to romance the CRAP out of Havard and raise my little MC with him. Alas….🩷
You. Scare me.
This is so amazing, very much looking forward to how it progresses!
Looking forward to seeing how the story unfolds, very impressed with the amount of content already available
Wow, this game so far is brilliant. Truly enjoyed what demo is this and look forward to more.
I have one, simple request (probably simple, i don't know)
Make the player character possibly have heterochromia
Hi,
Thank you for the request. You can already input your own eye color, and therefore already have heterochromia. You can see examples of this in this blog post.
Daaaaaaark. Love it though. Much respect for not shying away from some very atrocious/hard themes; humanity comes in all flavors.
Love how dark and intriguing it is! Can't wait for the next chapter and meeting more characters.
This story has really struck a chord with me ever since it came out. I just keep coming back to read through it again and again, it gives me some much needed hope for dealing with my own trauma (nothing so grievous as what the MC goes through but trauma nonetheless) the path of healing the MC is being set on is just so very inspiring to me, a reminder that no matter how broken you are that there is always a chance to heal and move on to something better in your life.
Daaaaaaark. Love it though. Much respect for not shying away from some very atrocious/hard themes; humanity comes in all flavors.
I Love my MC, I love that they're broken and not just magically - - fixed, despite being rescued. There's such, such Trauma there - and that mind may never be 'un-broken'. Not to mention the arms. I think that's what interests me most: Seeing how this very clearly broken child will grow up; what they will become. (You explained the 'Pain' and 'Void' cycle and its Repetition incredibly well, btw) Havard and Lexi and Ethel (I think my MC will like her most) all seem like genuinely good souls. They'll have their work cut out for them -- and it's nice seeing the frustration in wanting to help, but being unable to in their POVs; but time and them proving their words will do wonders. Very interested to see how twins interaction will go. (And if there will be romance? Because - OOF. Just: OOF.) That 'red and white stuff' highly concerned me; but I also love broken babes finding empathy in one another.
That last interlude... Of course, the 'bad people' couldn't be totally gone. Looks like there's definitely going to be -- 'something' fighting to do more Terrible things to my baby. Keeping an eye on this one~
That's really interesting, I'm so exited to see how it will develop, the growing of the kids and everything else. True masterpiece being made here❤️ can't wait for the next update
Absolutely amazing, the customization iz INSANE it's so detailed and well-written. The potential's crazy I absolutely cannot wait for more<33333
one of the best twine games I've ever played, it's amazing, five stars for plot and choices!
this is hands down my favorite twine game i've played so far. everything is so well thought out and the choices you make actually get brought up later and it feels much more like you're your own person and not just a customizable character with a preset personality. that, and as someone with childhood trauma this feels surprisingly healing. big thank you so far and please update i will love you forever fr
Time to share my opinion to the wonder internet :D Honestly, I LOVE the story so far, at first I kinda thought the prologue and interludes went on a bit too long since you don't get to do anything in them, but looking back on it I definitely see how it's needed for exposition haha, anytime it's brought up it hits MUCH harder than it would have if it hadn't gone into detail.
And chapter two made UP for it, the customization is probably one of the best I've seen in ANY cyoa game ever and I LOVE how it keeps getting brought up. I absolutely HATE how in most games you get to create a whole character and then proceed to only hear it brought up in a summery of your characters right after you create your character, it's AWFUL ;-; and this one doesn't do that, so thank you :D
But yeah, can't wait to meet the twins, I actually love their personalities lol, sorry for the rant, 10/10, will play when chapter 3 comes out :]
Got this error when I decided not to choose any special features for the character.
Thank you! I will fix that when I have the time.
I had my character not remember his name and then question why having name was important, but then allow Havard to name them. When Havard is talking to Lexia in her interlude, he says that my character has no name, but then starts using the chosen name as well as Lexia, even though they've already talked about having no name to refer to him as.
Also in that same interaction, just after that point, there was some mix-up with the pronouns I think? Havard and Lexia were using 'they/them' for a few lines in reference to my character rather than 'he/him'. A better screenshot of that will be in reply to this comment.
Here's the mix-up of pronouns screenshot.
2nd paragraph in the screenshot: "Maybe Havard would have caught them?"
4th paragraph: "I did have to chase after them..."
Oh, one more thing, sorry. Minor typo, should be 'damage' not 'damange'. Hopefully this all helps you. :)
Thank you for all of these! I will investigate!
Edit: I think I fixed it :D New game/a save before the name choice required to fix the bug.
i just wanted to say I'm fairly new to if, and I absolutely love this! Thank you for making it, I can't wait for more!
there's a gramatical error on turn 84. it says "Of course, Azha would have be the one to do the asking, but she liked to include him." and is missing a "to" between have and be.
Thank you! I will fix that.
And in 105 it says " €capitalheshe was calming down,"
Thank you Will fix that one too.
Hey, wanted to say I absolutely adore this story ❤️ it's.. honestly kind of healing, having experienced childhood trauma, to have a setting that's surprisingly real but still makes me feel like actually cared for?? You're doing an AMAZING job with this and I'm excited to see where it goes & support it along the way.
One small thing - I went back to go do the heritage trait scenes again, and came across an error, though I'm not sure what the cause is; the best I can guess is it might be something to do with my saves, since I was running the story as a download? I tried plugging the save into the proper browser run form and it has the same error though.
It happens with most of the beastkin heritage trait selections, including the animal horns sub-selections, animal ears, and the fluffy tails sub-selections.
Hi,
I cannot seem to replicate this. However, if I understand correctly, you were using an old save?
If that is indeed the case, I would say that is the reason. You see, in the old system the variables could only have one value i.e.
variable = "fox" which mean the preallocation would have been done as variable = "" vs. now it can have multiple values
variable = ["fox", "wolf"] and preallocation is done as variable = [].
I think this is the cause of the error. It should work fine with a new save, in an old save there is a disconnect between the preallocations of the variable.
Sorry for the inconvenience! Updates tend to break old saves (assuming you were indeed using an old save).
Edit: And thank you!
Yes, I was using an old save - I suppose now I have even more reason to read this beautiful story again ^^
The elf ears count as two heritage traits, I believe that may be a bug in the programming? I chose fluffy tail, then fluffy ears, then the dragon eyes, then went to look at the pointed elf ears and it gave me this when I chose them.
This is another screenshot that shows exactly that it's the elf ears that counts as two, since it's listed twice. And I only clicked on them the one time.
Thank you! That was a bug I accidentally created earlier today while fixing another bug :D Forgot to delete the testing code!
Should be fixed now!
Just curious, will my MC be able to romance one of the twins or is this story more plot focused. Btw I haven't checked out the new heritage features but I have played this once before and I really love your writing! Just wanted to let you know how appreciated this story is! <3
Thank you! That is eventually the plan, but it is a long way before we get there :D